I feel yucky.

Those were the words I told my friend when she asked me why I work as much as I do. I couldn’t find a better way to describe this feeling of uneasiness I get when I am not being productive, a feeling like I am unworthy.

Why is it that I have been brainwashed by this capitalistic mentality wherein my productivity = my worth? For those of you who have the good fortune to not be pricked by these thoughts, how have you done it so far?

I am now at a stage wherein if I am not constantly moving, I can feel myself going mad. I used to not give a shit, mind you. I used to be able to binge watch 2 seasons of a show in day, guilt-free. Now however, I feel like some kind of police will come and fine me for slacking off. A month or two ago, I was working so much that I burned myself out. The worst part? I enjoyed it. I derived some sort of sick satisfaction from being so worn out that I could barely manage to get out of bed. At least this way, I figured, I could rest guilt-free.

I for one, blame the pandemic. Like anything and everything that went wrong in the year 2020, none of it is actually our fault. It is all the fault of the slowly decaying world. I do also blame LinkedIn. You see, during the lockdown, I had reached a point where I had squeezed out all I could from your conventional sources of social media, that the only place left for me to explore was LinkedIn. So, I created a profile and connected with my peers to see what it was that they were doing to relieve themselves of boredom. And boy oh boy, was that a mistake. I was faced with wave after wave of people who had utilised this pandemic as “an opportunity to better themselves.” So that naturally made me, a person who slept 14 hours a day and spent the rest 10 hours doing absolutely nothing, lesser. A friend of mine recently said something about the website which I think accurately sums it up –

LinkedIn makes you feel like life is a race, when it really isn’t.

What a toxic environment to suddenly find yourself in the midst of. I still go on it regularly.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not blaming anyone who has been using this lockdown to their advantage. I mean truly, good for you. Bad however, for my mental health. Marx once said that labour is the source of wealth. Well, Karl, buddy, I for one do not feel wealthy. In this fight to overthrow the bourgeois or whatever bullshit we’ve been fed in order to make us get up of our asses, they have taken the only thing that is of any import to us, our sanity.

I would like a refund please, thanks.

I woke up today morning and all I could think about was changing my Tumblr username to dontbelasagne (that is a Doctor Who reference, not a specific life choice). Turns out, there are already 7 blogs that are different variations of ‘don’t be lasagne’ and dontbelasagne8 just doesn’t have the same ring to it. The moral of the story? My thoughts are unoriginal.

I recently wrote a piece with a friend about how Disney ruined one of the greatest franchises to have ever graced our televisions. It is much more academical than I make it sound and can be found here. But, as part of the publication process, I was asked to transfer some of my intellectual property rights over to the editorial board. I found it mildly amusing that someone would like to own my unoriginal thoughts.

I apologise in advance in case you were looking for some kind of actual direction to these posts. There isn’t any. This blog, like everything in my life, is less of a structured thought process and more of a random word dump, the likes of which can be found in my notes app.

Over the past 4 years, I have written over 117 notes (or so my phone tells me). Now that I think about it, that isn’t actually a lot, but there are some gems there, mind you. 

The oldest note I have is from 2015, and is a list of songs that I was going to make a mixtape of, to give to a friend. The latest note is from November 2020, and all it says is this –

How do we leave?

Just get up.

Another gem is this one from 2017 which simply says “Year of reading dangerously.” For those of you who don’t know me personally, that is a very accurate description of my personality. 

The majority of the remaining ones are either drarry headcannons or grocery lists that I never got around to deleting. But the one I love the most has got to be this one,

Last words?

3 favourite chocolates.

If you ask me what was going on in my head when I wrote this, I wouldn’t have an answer for you. Did I intend my last words to literally be “3 favourite chocolates” or will I, with my dying breath, list out the 3 chocolates I enjoyed the most during my lifetime? We will never know. But I will concur that this is nothing if not original.

Okay so my best friend, Rujuta and I had an idea one day to do this thing where we both go back and forth writing parts of a story. None of us knew what the other person had planned in their head and where they were going with the story, so we sort of just went with the flow. What started out as a fun exercise between two friends ended up being a multi-part series, part 1 of which is up on Rujuta’s blog! You can read it here.

Happy reading 🙂

Members of my family recently told me that they are beginning to think I am insanely passionate about women, take what you may of that. I for one, think the inherent problem with this society is that people are not passionate enough. See the thing is, everyone has a conception about women in their heads – a conception about what they think is our “purpose”. And this so called purpose is almost always entirely self-serving. So everybody just stands around, deciding our future for us. Any additional expectation to actually include women in this discourse or to make sure these women are leading a nuanced life, becomes a major inconvenience for the majority of the population. I mean how radical to actually consider women as human beings.

I have also been told that I write like I talk, which I don’t suppose is an entirely good quality for a writer to have. But writing is what I like to do, and I do it quite often, mind you. I am not particularly good at it but, when has that ever stopped me? This is all of course the perfect segue into the fact that I wrote an article about another one of the numerous ways women are subjugated in this society. Give it a read if that’s something that interests you (I would urge you to give it a read even if it doesn’t, but let’s pretend I didn’t say that).

I am a cis woman. I am a feminist. I am angry. Labels, labels, labels. But, if the defining feature of who I am as a person, is that I feel strongly about women’s issues, I would gladly take that over the alternative any day.

P.S. sorry for this sudden word vomit. I am just triggered and needed to rant.

This is basically shameless self-promo but, I wrote a paper and that got published! Please do check it out. Here’s a small preview.

Contraceptive Rights and Women’s Autonomy – A Legal-Feminist Perspective

Traditionally, conceptions of sexuality were seen as a social construct of male power: defined by men, forced on women. This was reflected in the laws that were drafted through the eyes of men, aiming to regulate sexual reproduction of women. Third-wave feminists wanted to prioritize greater autonomy in women’s reproductive rights, which included access to safe and healthy contraception methods amongst others. This paper attempts to enter a socio-legal discourse on whether right to contraception is an essential part of women’s autonomy. The international framework along with various feminist approaches to the issue are explored. The differences between the western struggle for a right to contraception versus the Indian struggle for the access to contraception is noted. The current laws governing right to reproduction in the country, (specifically contraception) is delved into. Finally, the stance of Indian Courts is analyzed in comparison with the feminist approaches. The idea that laws governing childbirth is not purely with regards to the biological function, but an extension of gender dynamics, is the inherent point at issue.

Keywords–Right to reproduction, Contraceptives, International laws, Feminism, Indian context

For the full article, click here!

(All rights belong to the International Journal of Law Management & Humanities.)

Hello and welcome to my blog! My name is Ananya, and I’m a 20 year old, Indian. I am a collector of quotes.

I’m overly enthusiastic about a few things in this universe which can occasionally inhibit my ability to function as a normal human being. My thoughts are pretty random and it may get hard to keep track sometimes. Here’s my attempt at cognizing them.

Thanks for joining me!